It has emerged that the South African cricket franchise, The Eagles, are to undergo testing after returning from their tour to India to participate in the T20 Champions League. The ICC has sighted several players who "seemed to have bowled like girls".
Recently South African sport was involved in a gender scandal involving 800m women's gold winner Caster Semenya who was accused of not being a woman because she had a male physique and a deep voice. Later it was revealed that she was wearing a "Boy" cap while staying at the hotel in Germany, but Max Moseley - who has nothing to do with any real sport - defended Semenya by stating "I wear my girlfriend's underwear to work everyday, but that doesn't make me a woman".
This week Moseley, who defended Semenya, was reportedly heard saying that even though the Eagles cricketers in question looked very much like boys, "they did awaken some feelings inside me that only a woman dressed in full Hitler Youth attire could".
The ICC was pressured into taking action by the BCCI, but refused to comment on rumours that Lalit Modi was planning on starting a Twenty20 tournament for transgendered individuals as well as women.
The Eagles coach could not be reached for comment, but Dr Makhenkesi Stofile, the Minister of Sport and Recreation of South Africa, released a statement to the press Saturday on South African television stations:
"It has been brought to my attention that there is unhappiness about the ladi... men's cricket team that represented us in the UEFA Champions League in India earlier this month. I would like to assure the people of the world that there was nothing suspicious about these gir... men. I have coached them myself personally and can state with full confidence that there is nothing wrong with their handicaps."
After the statement, Stofile answered various questions from the media, although questions about sport weren't allowed because his translator wasn't present.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Champion League, Shmampions League
At the start of the tournament, it was perceived as an uneven match between international IPL teams and lesser-known other international-less teams. The IPL boasting 3 teams in the tournament (to boost their chances of winning I suppose) and then the top two teams in each country - England, South Africa, Australia, India, New Zealand, Sri Lanka and West Indies, with the last two only represented by one team for some reason.
Many people believe that this is a money-making scheme dreamt up by Lalit Money (am I making it too obvious that I don't like him much?), while The Man himself wants us to believe that it is his way of ensuring the future of cricket. That's funny, because cricket was doing just fine before he started believing that he had the "Midas touch", but now we're allowing him to touch cricket.
In many countries that would be illegal.
Meanwhile, the Champions League is past the initial group stages. I wasn't fully aware of just how intricate the system was, but luckily I have CricInfo to help me out. I read it over and over, because nobody can look at the inside of a Swiss watch and understand it at first glance. If it wasn't for CricInfo, I would have been lost in the System:
"The team with the highest number of points at the end of the Group Stage shall finish 1st on the Group Points Table and the team with the lowsest shall finish 3rd."
The only thing I'm wondering about now is what about the team that ended with neither the highest number of points nor the lowerst number of points? I suspect that they are uncertain about this, because the ICC is still waiting for Australia to grant the members from the Board of Cricket Maladministration for Zimbabwe visas so that they can start discussing this matter.
And as the tournament comes closer to the end, there are no more semi final places left. Trinidad&Tobago, Cape Cobras, Victoria and New South Wales have taken up the four spots and as you can tell by the lack of IPL teams in the semi final slots, there are no IPL teams in the semi finals. I'm trying to care, but it's not happening.
As a South African, I'm hoping that the Cape Cobras take the tournament, but as a Cricket supporter, I really couldn't care less, because the IPL teams are out and therefore I have nobody to cheer against.
Many people believe that this is a money-making scheme dreamt up by Lalit Money (am I making it too obvious that I don't like him much?), while The Man himself wants us to believe that it is his way of ensuring the future of cricket. That's funny, because cricket was doing just fine before he started believing that he had the "Midas touch", but now we're allowing him to touch cricket.
In many countries that would be illegal.
Meanwhile, the Champions League is past the initial group stages. I wasn't fully aware of just how intricate the system was, but luckily I have CricInfo to help me out. I read it over and over, because nobody can look at the inside of a Swiss watch and understand it at first glance. If it wasn't for CricInfo, I would have been lost in the System:
"The team with the highest number of points at the end of the Group Stage shall finish 1st on the Group Points Table and the team with the lowsest shall finish 3rd."
The only thing I'm wondering about now is what about the team that ended with neither the highest number of points nor the lowerst number of points? I suspect that they are uncertain about this, because the ICC is still waiting for Australia to grant the members from the Board of Cricket Maladministration for Zimbabwe visas so that they can start discussing this matter.
And as the tournament comes closer to the end, there are no more semi final places left. Trinidad&Tobago, Cape Cobras, Victoria and New South Wales have taken up the four spots and as you can tell by the lack of IPL teams in the semi final slots, there are no IPL teams in the semi finals. I'm trying to care, but it's not happening.
As a South African, I'm hoping that the Cape Cobras take the tournament, but as a Cricket supporter, I really couldn't care less, because the IPL teams are out and therefore I have nobody to cheer against.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Proteas choke on humble pie
Last night I stayed up way past my bed time to watch South Africa choke yet again in a tournament where they were once again labelled as favourites.
England defy Smith to reach semis
This was a huge surprise to me, because they have just come from a very successful off season:
Graeme Smith won a pie eating contest at the county fair
Jacques Kallis came second on "Biggest Loser"
Wayne Parnell beat the rest of his family at "Hungry Hippos" two weeks ago
With the biggest success coming from AB de Villiers, who successfully applied for Telkom ADSL and got it set up at his house in under three months.
The Proteas went into the ICC's Champion's Trophy proclaiming far and wide that they are invincible and that not even a team full of Australians can knock them down.
However, they didn't expect the wise Garysutra to come onto the scene (no pun intended) with his R-rated coaching techniques. Garysutra is currently coaching the Indian team, but this hasn't stopped the English from learning a thing or two from him, like the part about "winners bonk before a match". In that lesson, Garysutra was said to have taught his Indian team how shagging and winning go hand in hand.
Up till now the English have only played like wankers, but after Garysutra's teachings began to spread throughout the world, the decided to change their approach and they have since become wankers. The proof is in the pie... Swann Pie as some people are saying.
So for now I'd simply like to say well done to the Poms for showing that they do in fact have the balls to defend a score against a good side. They batted quite well and we bowled quite badly, then after the break, we batted OK while they bowled well.
All I can say is that the Tests at the end of year will be really great to watch. I hope Strauss can get himself a thicker helmet though.
I'm trying hard not to be a bitter old fart about us being kicked out of a tournament we should have won.
England defy Smith to reach semis
This was a huge surprise to me, because they have just come from a very successful off season:
Graeme Smith won a pie eating contest at the county fair
Jacques Kallis came second on "Biggest Loser"
Wayne Parnell beat the rest of his family at "Hungry Hippos" two weeks ago
With the biggest success coming from AB de Villiers, who successfully applied for Telkom ADSL and got it set up at his house in under three months.
The Proteas went into the ICC's Champion's Trophy proclaiming far and wide that they are invincible and that not even a team full of Australians can knock them down.
However, they didn't expect the wise Garysutra to come onto the scene (no pun intended) with his R-rated coaching techniques. Garysutra is currently coaching the Indian team, but this hasn't stopped the English from learning a thing or two from him, like the part about "winners bonk before a match". In that lesson, Garysutra was said to have taught his Indian team how shagging and winning go hand in hand.
Up till now the English have only played like wankers, but after Garysutra's teachings began to spread throughout the world, the decided to change their approach and they have since become wankers. The proof is in the pie... Swann Pie as some people are saying.
So for now I'd simply like to say well done to the Poms for showing that they do in fact have the balls to defend a score against a good side. They batted quite well and we bowled quite badly, then after the break, we batted OK while they bowled well.
All I can say is that the Tests at the end of year will be really great to watch. I hope Strauss can get himself a thicker helmet though.
I'm trying hard not to be a bitter old fart about us being kicked out of a tournament we should have won.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
It was a dark day for Test Cricket...
... for it was played during the night. A novel idea, but only as a once-off thing and also if was done for charity - like for the Keep the ICC Out of Cricket Foundation, or "KIOCF".
No doubt a silly idea, but the cash strapped English Cricket Board seems to be going ahead with it anyway. At around 100 squid for an English Test ticket (which I looked up on Google, but correct me if I'm wrong) makes a ZAR160 South African ticket (under 13 squid for a full five days' Test cricket viewing), it seems as though there must be a terrible amount of money disappearing after arriving at the ECB's offices.
First they'll need to wash their white cricket balls with red ones to make them pink, then they'll have to get Liberace to design some "fabulous!" kit for the participating teams and then they're all set for a fabulous! day of night cricket.
However, this might be a good idea, because they would now be able to play three tests in a five day cycle. Example:
3:00 - 10:00 : Pakistan vs India
11:00 - 18:00 : South Africa vs Australia
19:00 - 2:00 : England vs Sri Lanka
And just like that, you can have three test matches played in five days (or less). This is the only way I feel that we could arrange a World Cup of Test Cricket. Just the thought of having 21 hours of Test cricket in one day (with an acceptable 1 hour of sleep every 7 hours) makes me very excited. I cannot think of a better idea to save Test cricket.
The more they pack into a day, the better. In fact, we should look into the idea of dividing the field into four and then playing four Tests at the same time. That way, if one Test match is getting a bit dull, then you can simply walk a few paces to your left or right and you'll have a completely different match to watch.
"Super Sub" suddely pops into my mind, but only because I'm hungry.
But seriously, Test cricket is not a Gay Pride parade. I cannot imagine men running around at night throwing pink balls at each other.
If my grandfather was alive, he'd say, "Huh? Sorry, I don't watch cricket".
No doubt a silly idea, but the cash strapped English Cricket Board seems to be going ahead with it anyway. At around 100 squid for an English Test ticket (which I looked up on Google, but correct me if I'm wrong) makes a ZAR160 South African ticket (under 13 squid for a full five days' Test cricket viewing), it seems as though there must be a terrible amount of money disappearing after arriving at the ECB's offices.
First they'll need to wash their white cricket balls with red ones to make them pink, then they'll have to get Liberace to design some "fabulous!" kit for the participating teams and then they're all set for a fabulous! day of night cricket.
However, this might be a good idea, because they would now be able to play three tests in a five day cycle. Example:
3:00 - 10:00 : Pakistan vs India
11:00 - 18:00 : South Africa vs Australia
19:00 - 2:00 : England vs Sri Lanka
And just like that, you can have three test matches played in five days (or less). This is the only way I feel that we could arrange a World Cup of Test Cricket. Just the thought of having 21 hours of Test cricket in one day (with an acceptable 1 hour of sleep every 7 hours) makes me very excited. I cannot think of a better idea to save Test cricket.
The more they pack into a day, the better. In fact, we should look into the idea of dividing the field into four and then playing four Tests at the same time. That way, if one Test match is getting a bit dull, then you can simply walk a few paces to your left or right and you'll have a completely different match to watch.
"Super Sub" suddely pops into my mind, but only because I'm hungry.
But seriously, Test cricket is not a Gay Pride parade. I cannot imagine men running around at night throwing pink balls at each other.
If my grandfather was alive, he'd say, "Huh? Sorry, I don't watch cricket".
Monday, August 24, 2009
Victory!! For the Poms at least.
Once again, The Ashes were saved from taking another trip Down Under by a spectacular century from none other than ex-South African Jonathan Trott, proving once again that the best thing in the English cricket team is the South African... or should I say South Africans?
England used 4 of them to great effect in this round of The Ashes:
Andrew Strauss (Johannesburg, 1977)
Kevin Pietersen (Pietermaritzburg, 1980)
Jonathan Trott (Cape Town, 1981)
Matt Prior (Johannesburg, 1982)
In the five Tests played, the Pom batsmen made a total of 2,608 runs, of which 1048 were scored by South Africans. That's a whopping 40.18% of the runs.
Wow.
I'll work out some more stats later, but first I need to do some research on the games and do some calculations and things.
But anyway, well done to the Poms for giving the Aussies carrots. They comprehensively and savagely thrashed them 2-1. Australia will look at this series and realise that it was mostly the lack of wickets that cost them. Only taking twenty English wickets in a match once, compared to England having done that twice, which also happens to be what the score was.
Therefore, to win a Test match, I have narrowed it down to these most important points:
1: Make more runs than your opposition - you can't lose if they're behind you (See point 2 and 3).
2: Take 20 wickets - your opposition can't score more runs than you if they're not batting (see point 1 and 3).
3: Don't concede unnecessary runs (See point 1 and 2).
There has never been a series like this where such a large percentage of the world was against the Aussies. Even the entire population of China was against them, which already makes up 80% of the world's population.
Now that England have done the world a favour by making South Africa the number one ranked Test team in the world (although, if you asked me, I'd tell you that we did it all on our own).
However, I'm looking forward to when the South African B side tours South Africa at the end of the year. Should be a cracker of a tour. South Africans have shown that they enjoy kicking the top ranked teams off their spots, so lets see if we'll be able to kick ourselves off the top. Perhaps Jacques Rudolph will make an appearance against us this summer? When England play against South Africa later this year, it will most probably be the most South Africans taking part in the same game of cricket since isolation.
England used 4 of them to great effect in this round of The Ashes:
Andrew Strauss (Johannesburg, 1977)
Kevin Pietersen (Pietermaritzburg, 1980)
Jonathan Trott (Cape Town, 1981)
Matt Prior (Johannesburg, 1982)
In the five Tests played, the Pom batsmen made a total of 2,608 runs, of which 1048 were scored by South Africans. That's a whopping 40.18% of the runs.
Wow.
I'll work out some more stats later, but first I need to do some research on the games and do some calculations and things.
But anyway, well done to the Poms for giving the Aussies carrots. They comprehensively and savagely thrashed them 2-1. Australia will look at this series and realise that it was mostly the lack of wickets that cost them. Only taking twenty English wickets in a match once, compared to England having done that twice, which also happens to be what the score was.
Therefore, to win a Test match, I have narrowed it down to these most important points:
1: Make more runs than your opposition - you can't lose if they're behind you (See point 2 and 3).
2: Take 20 wickets - your opposition can't score more runs than you if they're not batting (see point 1 and 3).
3: Don't concede unnecessary runs (See point 1 and 2).
There has never been a series like this where such a large percentage of the world was against the Aussies. Even the entire population of China was against them, which already makes up 80% of the world's population.
Now that England have done the world a favour by making South Africa the number one ranked Test team in the world (although, if you asked me, I'd tell you that we did it all on our own).
However, I'm looking forward to when the South African B side tours South Africa at the end of the year. Should be a cracker of a tour. South Africans have shown that they enjoy kicking the top ranked teams off their spots, so lets see if we'll be able to kick ourselves off the top. Perhaps Jacques Rudolph will make an appearance against us this summer? When England play against South Africa later this year, it will most probably be the most South Africans taking part in the same game of cricket since isolation.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Third and Fourth Ashes Test - Chalk and Cheese or Liver and Onions
A soggy England provided an entertaining Edgbaston Test. For a moment it seemed as though there might be a result squeezed out of it, but alas, it was not so. After fannying about for a bit, the Aussies were bowled out for 263, but then the English didn't seem to make much of their chances and the 113 lead they had when Australia took to the crease again.
With as many interruptions as you'd expect from English weather, the game was washed out with Australia getting some form back in their second innings, ending the third Test with their scorecard reading 375/5.
This, I believe, was a bit help to Ponting's men who seemed to go "Hmmm... so that's how you bat" and they carried this idea into the fourth Test at Leeds.
I had a dream a few days before the fourth Test where I saw or heard somewhere that England lost the Test, which gave me a funny feeling about this one. Now I know how true that dream was. Australia will most likely win this match and it'll be shorter than any Test match that Bangladesh have played. Ever.
This will no doubt be a huge blow to the Poms. First they lose Kevin Pietersen to a faulty achilles, then Freddie Flintoff's knee starts acting up and he gets dropped. Now, the Poms have lost two of their biggest names and they're down to a bunch of blokes that can't seem to pull up the spirits enough to make the team perform.
There's only one thing that could make it worse now, but I'm not even going to mention it, because I know that I might curse it.
So what happened to England? Why aren't they being allowed to make more than a hundred together? The Aussies score as freely as you would on one of those EA Sports Cricket games set on easy - where it helps you with timing and shot selection, but the Poms are battling to survive.
There was much talk about the Australians not being able to play swing, but that seems to have all but disappeared... either they can play swing, or the Englishmen can't get the ball to swing. However, Onions bowled a beauty this afternoon that thumped Clarke on the toes and stopped him short of his hundred. That ball swung like a pingpong ball and took a wicket. Surely Strauss would have told them to carry on with that.
The Australians are being allowed to think themselves back into the game, and everyone knows that there is very little anyone can do against an Australian team with a strong mental state. Being strong mentally and focussed is exactly what has made them a formiddable team since 1897.
Since they lost their main players pretty much at the same time, Australia have struggled a bit to get back to their winning ways. But now that England have shown that they aren't capable of putting at least one innings together at Leeds, the Australians have been allowed to get not only their feet, but their torsos in the door too. England went into the match with a 1-0 advantage after the first three Tests:
- one draw that not even Houdini himself could pull out of a hat
- a win from some really good bowling and a stunning knock from Strauss
- a draw that was brought on by the rain, but the Australians looked very much in while batting out their second innings.
I know I picked the Poms to win the Ashes, but I must say that they have hardly impressed me so far, and they're leaving it all to do in the last match. Their batting has been inconsistent and the bowling as threatening as a wet sponge fight. Australia have now managed to put a couple of fifties together and some good bowling spells as well.
If England want to get their oily fish&chips fingers on the little Ashes urn, then the Barmy Army will have to starting hurling rocks at Ponting and not just insults.
With as many interruptions as you'd expect from English weather, the game was washed out with Australia getting some form back in their second innings, ending the third Test with their scorecard reading 375/5.
This, I believe, was a bit help to Ponting's men who seemed to go "Hmmm... so that's how you bat" and they carried this idea into the fourth Test at Leeds.
I had a dream a few days before the fourth Test where I saw or heard somewhere that England lost the Test, which gave me a funny feeling about this one. Now I know how true that dream was. Australia will most likely win this match and it'll be shorter than any Test match that Bangladesh have played. Ever.
This will no doubt be a huge blow to the Poms. First they lose Kevin Pietersen to a faulty achilles, then Freddie Flintoff's knee starts acting up and he gets dropped. Now, the Poms have lost two of their biggest names and they're down to a bunch of blokes that can't seem to pull up the spirits enough to make the team perform.
There's only one thing that could make it worse now, but I'm not even going to mention it, because I know that I might curse it.
So what happened to England? Why aren't they being allowed to make more than a hundred together? The Aussies score as freely as you would on one of those EA Sports Cricket games set on easy - where it helps you with timing and shot selection, but the Poms are battling to survive.
There was much talk about the Australians not being able to play swing, but that seems to have all but disappeared... either they can play swing, or the Englishmen can't get the ball to swing. However, Onions bowled a beauty this afternoon that thumped Clarke on the toes and stopped him short of his hundred. That ball swung like a pingpong ball and took a wicket. Surely Strauss would have told them to carry on with that.
The Australians are being allowed to think themselves back into the game, and everyone knows that there is very little anyone can do against an Australian team with a strong mental state. Being strong mentally and focussed is exactly what has made them a formiddable team since 1897.
Since they lost their main players pretty much at the same time, Australia have struggled a bit to get back to their winning ways. But now that England have shown that they aren't capable of putting at least one innings together at Leeds, the Australians have been allowed to get not only their feet, but their torsos in the door too. England went into the match with a 1-0 advantage after the first three Tests:
- one draw that not even Houdini himself could pull out of a hat
- a win from some really good bowling and a stunning knock from Strauss
- a draw that was brought on by the rain, but the Australians looked very much in while batting out their second innings.
I know I picked the Poms to win the Ashes, but I must say that they have hardly impressed me so far, and they're leaving it all to do in the last match. Their batting has been inconsistent and the bowling as threatening as a wet sponge fight. Australia have now managed to put a couple of fifties together and some good bowling spells as well.
If England want to get their oily fish&chips fingers on the little Ashes urn, then the Barmy Army will have to starting hurling rocks at Ponting and not just insults.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Donald - "Legalise ball tampering"
Alan Donald has called for the ban on ball tampering to be lifted. His reasons for this is that there should be less of a gap between batsmen and bowlers.
As part of his argument, he pointed out that between 1990 and 1995 the the ban on knee tampering was lifted in ice skating. During this period, Tonya Harding took full advantage of it and promtly smashed Nancy Kerrigan's knee with a crowbar (the ban on crowbars was temporarily lifted too).
Donald has called for the ban on ball tampering to be lifted due to the decrease in lively pitches being prepared.
"Tampering with the ball would make it more interesting for the bowlers" he said. "We can now call on the twelfth man to bring out a proper cheese grater instead of hiding a lemon zester in our underwear all day."
He also called on "unlimited use of the short delivery" as well as "no restrictions on fielders in a catching position on the leg side".
While Richard Hadlee applauded this idea along with ex-players such as Glenn McGrath and Waqar Younis, some were not so supportive. Brian Lara, Sunil Gavaskar and Graeme Pollock declared that such tactics would make it impossible for top batsmen to score with complete freedom and would make current legendary batsmen look ordinary and middle order batsmen look like Misbah Ul Haq.
Donald's list of approved scuffing tools was handed to the group before he spoke. This included:
Cheese grater
Tweezers
A wet sock
Angle grinder
Russel Crowe's stubble
Biting
Lalit Modi has indicated that he would be interested in supplying cricketers with a multi-purpose tool for tampering with balls. These tools will include a little clicking device for slip fielders to simulate faint edges, a money pouch for umpire referals and comes with a stylish little laser light key chain.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
The morning after
Wow, what an awesome test match! England really showed the Australians how to do it. Finally a win at Lord's after 75 years of winless cricket.
Leaving Australia to make 521 in the last two days, which in today's test cricket isn't a tough ask, they bowled them out for a measly 406. *cough* wankers *cough*
Having set an enormous (by England standards) first innings total of 425, the Poms procede to bowl Ponting and his "men" out for a ridiculously low (by Aussie standards) 215. The biggest question left for everyone to think about was whether Strauss would make them bat again, or if he'd play defensively and try and set a bigger total and hopefully intimidate the pants off them. I'm not sure if they know this, but Warne doesn't play anymore and Hauritz is, well, not Warne, so there is no need to panic if you need to make more than 20 for a fourth innings chase.
Hauritz hasn't impressed me too much yet, so I find it odd that everyone is handing over their wickets to him so often, unless it's a ploy to lure him into a false sense of security and then when it really matters, he'll get some Harrisment.
After fannying around for the first few overs, the Aussies managed to limp their way to 128/5, but after receiving some Gummy Berry juice, they clawed their way back into the match and ended the day on 313/5 after Haddin and Clarke put together the crumbling innings with sticky tape and Prestik.
All was well up until the second over of day five when Fabulously Fit Freddie came blasting in and out of shear terror, Haddin offered up his wicket. Soon after that (43 runs later), Clarke followed and from there is was like picking the bits of meat of your KFC bones.
On day five, Swann and Flintoff bowled better than the Aussies could play and that sealed the first win for them against Australia in ages. In the end, Flintoff's retirement proved to be more of a distraction to the Aussies than to the Poms.
Flintoff grabbed his first 5 wicket haul in four years and only the third one of his Test career. In First Class he only has four of them. I feel he should definitely have had better figures than what he actually has.
Compared to Harmlesson and Monty Penisar:
Harmlesson :
FC - 26 in 182 matches
Tests - 8 in 61 matches
Penisar :
FC - 19 in 102 matches
Tests - 8 in 39 matches
Flintoff :
FC - 4 in 181 matches
Test - 3 in 77 matches
That's some pretty ordinary stats for a good bowler.
Anyways, he's still got another three Tests to play and maybe he'll even be fit enough to play all three. Let us hope that he can find that little extra in the rest of the games that he found at Lord's to get some more 5 wicket hauls.
England 1-0 Australia
The series is far from over and not even halfway yet, so don't expect Australia to lie down and die just yet. In Test cricket it's only over when it's over. I know one thing though, I predicted 2-1 to the Poms, so in the next three games we'll have a disappointment somewhere and I won't be surprised if it happens in Birmingham.
Oh, by the way, well done to Strauss and his ladies on a brilliant win.
Leaving Australia to make 521 in the last two days, which in today's test cricket isn't a tough ask, they bowled them out for a measly 406. *cough* wankers *cough*
Having set an enormous (by England standards) first innings total of 425, the Poms procede to bowl Ponting and his "men" out for a ridiculously low (by Aussie standards) 215. The biggest question left for everyone to think about was whether Strauss would make them bat again, or if he'd play defensively and try and set a bigger total and hopefully intimidate the pants off them. I'm not sure if they know this, but Warne doesn't play anymore and Hauritz is, well, not Warne, so there is no need to panic if you need to make more than 20 for a fourth innings chase.
Hauritz hasn't impressed me too much yet, so I find it odd that everyone is handing over their wickets to him so often, unless it's a ploy to lure him into a false sense of security and then when it really matters, he'll get some Harrisment.
After fannying around for the first few overs, the Aussies managed to limp their way to 128/5, but after receiving some Gummy Berry juice, they clawed their way back into the match and ended the day on 313/5 after Haddin and Clarke put together the crumbling innings with sticky tape and Prestik.
All was well up until the second over of day five when Fabulously Fit Freddie came blasting in and out of shear terror, Haddin offered up his wicket. Soon after that (43 runs later), Clarke followed and from there is was like picking the bits of meat of your KFC bones.
On day five, Swann and Flintoff bowled better than the Aussies could play and that sealed the first win for them against Australia in ages. In the end, Flintoff's retirement proved to be more of a distraction to the Aussies than to the Poms.
Flintoff grabbed his first 5 wicket haul in four years and only the third one of his Test career. In First Class he only has four of them. I feel he should definitely have had better figures than what he actually has.
Compared to Harmlesson and Monty Penisar:
Harmlesson :
FC - 26 in 182 matches
Tests - 8 in 61 matches
Penisar :
FC - 19 in 102 matches
Tests - 8 in 39 matches
Flintoff :
FC - 4 in 181 matches
Test - 3 in 77 matches
That's some pretty ordinary stats for a good bowler.
Anyways, he's still got another three Tests to play and maybe he'll even be fit enough to play all three. Let us hope that he can find that little extra in the rest of the games that he found at Lord's to get some more 5 wicket hauls.
England 1-0 Australia
The series is far from over and not even halfway yet, so don't expect Australia to lie down and die just yet. In Test cricket it's only over when it's over. I know one thing though, I predicted 2-1 to the Poms, so in the next three games we'll have a disappointment somewhere and I won't be surprised if it happens in Birmingham.
Oh, by the way, well done to Strauss and his ladies on a brilliant win.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Day 5, England vs Australia, 2nd test, Ashes 2009 - Judgement day
If England lose the second test against Australia, and I'm not saying they will, then they will have only themselves to blame. If I was captain, I would have told Ponting at the start of the series that if they end a 1st innings in any of the tests more than 200 behind, then they should bat again. I would have typed it out in an easy-to-follow document with pictures (for those Tasmanians) and emailed, faxed and posted it to Ponting, his "men", the Australian Cricket Board and the ICC.
All of a sudden that 500-odd total looks reachable (sort of) and Strauss will look like a right plonker if he captained his team into a hole. "Always make the other team stress about setting a total" is something I have always said, and I always apply that thinking when I play cricket on my computer.
But I still think England will win.
I'm rather looking forward to seeing what happens today and I'll be a happy camper if the Poms go 1-0 up.
Strauss, you better hope your bowlers bring wickets, otherwise I'll be calling for your head, which will go nicely above the fireplace I'll build one day.
All of a sudden that 500-odd total looks reachable (sort of) and Strauss will look like a right plonker if he captained his team into a hole. "Always make the other team stress about setting a total" is something I have always said, and I always apply that thinking when I play cricket on my computer.
But I still think England will win.
I'm rather looking forward to seeing what happens today and I'll be a happy camper if the Poms go 1-0 up.
Strauss, you better hope your bowlers bring wickets, otherwise I'll be calling for your head, which will go nicely above the fireplace I'll build one day.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Injury scare hits England, Australia laughs
Andrew Flintoff is the latest casualty in the Ashes tournament being played in England. After the first test in Cardiff ended on Sunday, he was confronted by a group of angry ladies on his way to the pub where he was to meet fellow team mates Monty Penasar, Stuart Broad, Graeme Swann and James Anderson to celebrate their centuries with the ball.
"There was nine or ten of them... they hit he with their handbags while two of them stabbed me with knitting needles. It was a terrible experience. I was so looking forward to the friendly celebrations at Paddy's Pub. Luckily Kev [Pietersen] came by and rescued me."
Kevin Pietersen was on his way to a local strip club when he reportedly heard a lady screaming for help. After dashing into the alley, he saw what he described as "Freddie like, being beaten up by like, old chicks" and rushed in to save him.
After throwing a few of them over a fence, he helped Freddie up and carried him to the nearest veterinary hospital where the doctor who examined him allegedly wanted to put him out because of his injuries. Pietersen promptly took him to a people hospital after having one of the delightful lattes from the café next door.
The doctor who examined Flintoff at the hospital, wrote out a sick note that will allow Flintoff to miss the second and possibly the third test against Australia "due to slight abrasions on his knee".
Flintoff is to receive counseling for what he went through in Cardiff and also for the trauma he suffered at the handbags of the old ladies.
Meanwhile, the Australian captain Ricky Ponting wasn't fazed by what appeared to be a lack security for the English team.
"We're more than capable of defending ourselves against old ladies, as we so rightly proved at Sophia Gardens last week. There's nothing the English can throw at us that we can't handle, except, you know, that Simon Cowell guy. He's just a nasty piece of work."
Australia will be in with a chance if Flintoff stays away from Lords for the second test on Thursday, especially after coming from the Cardiff test with his heroic, match-drawing spell of 1/128. England will be hoping for Flintoff to recover quickly if they are to draw the remaining tests in the series.
All eyes will be on the selectors to see who will replace Flintoff - Harmison or a real cricketer? Only time will tell, but we'll let you know if you didn't hear what time said.
"There was nine or ten of them... they hit he with their handbags while two of them stabbed me with knitting needles. It was a terrible experience. I was so looking forward to the friendly celebrations at Paddy's Pub. Luckily Kev [Pietersen] came by and rescued me."
Kevin Pietersen was on his way to a local strip club when he reportedly heard a lady screaming for help. After dashing into the alley, he saw what he described as "Freddie like, being beaten up by like, old chicks" and rushed in to save him.
After throwing a few of them over a fence, he helped Freddie up and carried him to the nearest veterinary hospital where the doctor who examined him allegedly wanted to put him out because of his injuries. Pietersen promptly took him to a people hospital after having one of the delightful lattes from the café next door.
The doctor who examined Flintoff at the hospital, wrote out a sick note that will allow Flintoff to miss the second and possibly the third test against Australia "due to slight abrasions on his knee".
Flintoff is to receive counseling for what he went through in Cardiff and also for the trauma he suffered at the handbags of the old ladies.
Meanwhile, the Australian captain Ricky Ponting wasn't fazed by what appeared to be a lack security for the English team.
"We're more than capable of defending ourselves against old ladies, as we so rightly proved at Sophia Gardens last week. There's nothing the English can throw at us that we can't handle, except, you know, that Simon Cowell guy. He's just a nasty piece of work."
Australia will be in with a chance if Flintoff stays away from Lords for the second test on Thursday, especially after coming from the Cardiff test with his heroic, match-drawing spell of 1/128. England will be hoping for Flintoff to recover quickly if they are to draw the remaining tests in the series.
All eyes will be on the selectors to see who will replace Flintoff - Harmison or a real cricketer? Only time will tell, but we'll let you know if you didn't hear what time said.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Ashes test number one completed.
I quote myself from The Straight Drive Past the 'Keeper" group on Facebook:
"A completely gutless performance from England to draw the test. An absolute bunch of tossers. I'm not really keen on praising them for trying their best to draw a match heading for defeat. They throw away their wickets way too easily and they don't have any imagination with the ball.
The Aussies are under strength, but they made them look like world champions. I'd like to say, that if this Aussie team was to square up against a *REAL* test playing country like SA, they would have been killed."
Indeed. They played like a bunch of tossers. I didn't watch the game, but I followed it on the internet and I'm rather glad I didn't expend effort towards watching the game, because I would have probably died. If I actually watched the first test, I would probably have been able to put together more of an accurate opinion about the whole thing, instead of pulling comments out of my butt like this... which is probably where the selectors get their names for the squad.
How can a team be praised for playing for and achieving a DRAW?! What has become of the English?
"Yay! We didn't win, but at least we managed to play for a draw. Maybe the next match we'll be able to give them a bit more of a go, but if that doesn't work, then we can always go for another draw."
My dad taught me this : "If you didn't win, then you lost".
Why do English cricketers lack the balls to put up a fight? We all built them up and tipped them for a win in the first test, but they rather opted to play like duds. There is no sense of pride in their game. They show no enthusiasm in the field and they lack imagination with the ball. And I don't know why, but they also don't seem keen on staying out in the middle for long when they're batting. Maybe they were all rushing to go watch "East Enders"? Perhaps the selectors should keep their eyes on "Britain's Got Talent", just in case a cricketer shows up on there.
I'm hoping that this first test would have made them realise that they are lacking quite a lot in the strategy department and will arrive at Lords with a fresh set of plans. Or maybe they'll arrive at Lord's with some plans (you have to start somewhere).
I predicted an Ashes trophy in the English cabinet this year, so you tossers better start playing proper cricket or else I'll personally kick each and every English arse that shows up at Durban at the end of the year.
You've been warned.
"A completely gutless performance from England to draw the test. An absolute bunch of tossers. I'm not really keen on praising them for trying their best to draw a match heading for defeat. They throw away their wickets way too easily and they don't have any imagination with the ball.
The Aussies are under strength, but they made them look like world champions. I'd like to say, that if this Aussie team was to square up against a *REAL* test playing country like SA, they would have been killed."
Indeed. They played like a bunch of tossers. I didn't watch the game, but I followed it on the internet and I'm rather glad I didn't expend effort towards watching the game, because I would have probably died. If I actually watched the first test, I would probably have been able to put together more of an accurate opinion about the whole thing, instead of pulling comments out of my butt like this... which is probably where the selectors get their names for the squad.
How can a team be praised for playing for and achieving a DRAW?! What has become of the English?
"Yay! We didn't win, but at least we managed to play for a draw. Maybe the next match we'll be able to give them a bit more of a go, but if that doesn't work, then we can always go for another draw."
My dad taught me this : "If you didn't win, then you lost".
Why do English cricketers lack the balls to put up a fight? We all built them up and tipped them for a win in the first test, but they rather opted to play like duds. There is no sense of pride in their game. They show no enthusiasm in the field and they lack imagination with the ball. And I don't know why, but they also don't seem keen on staying out in the middle for long when they're batting. Maybe they were all rushing to go watch "East Enders"? Perhaps the selectors should keep their eyes on "Britain's Got Talent", just in case a cricketer shows up on there.
I'm hoping that this first test would have made them realise that they are lacking quite a lot in the strategy department and will arrive at Lords with a fresh set of plans. Or maybe they'll arrive at Lord's with some plans (you have to start somewhere).
I predicted an Ashes trophy in the English cabinet this year, so you tossers better start playing proper cricket or else I'll personally kick each and every English arse that shows up at Durban at the end of the year.
You've been warned.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Introduction
If you're reading this, then you muct have clicked on something that said "CLICK FOR FREE P0RN!!", because I don't think that Google would have take you to this page. You probably wouldn't have clicked on a link that directs you to yet another blog.
Anyway, welcome to my blog.
Mostly I'll be posting about cricket, but sometimes I'll talk about other sports that tickle my fancy and maybe some of my life stories as well, but only the amusing stories, not the boring I-could-have-read-it-in-a-Stephenie-Meyer-novel stories. All my posts are open to comment and I'd like it if you left some comments. Of course I won't allow any porno links or Paul Harris/Monty Penesar praising on my blog - that's just not cricket.
As you can see, I am Sir Wernich. I have been knighted by the kings of the "Straight Drive Past the 'Keeper" group on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=39815182831) for my contributions and for being an all-round super awesome kind of guy. I also declared months ago that the Aussies will get a beating in England during the Ashes and it will be mostly because of the abuse from me from the side of the field during the second South Africa vs Australia test in Durban. It worked so well that they lost the next test by an innings, they got kicked out of the ICC T20 World Cup after the first round and Symonds turned to alcohol.
Well, that's as good an introduction as you're going to get.
Anyway, welcome to my blog.
Mostly I'll be posting about cricket, but sometimes I'll talk about other sports that tickle my fancy and maybe some of my life stories as well, but only the amusing stories, not the boring I-could-have-read-it-in-a-Stephenie-Meyer-novel stories. All my posts are open to comment and I'd like it if you left some comments. Of course I won't allow any porno links or Paul Harris/Monty Penesar praising on my blog - that's just not cricket.
As you can see, I am Sir Wernich. I have been knighted by the kings of the "Straight Drive Past the 'Keeper" group on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=39815182831) for my contributions and for being an all-round super awesome kind of guy. I also declared months ago that the Aussies will get a beating in England during the Ashes and it will be mostly because of the abuse from me from the side of the field during the second South Africa vs Australia test in Durban. It worked so well that they lost the next test by an innings, they got kicked out of the ICC T20 World Cup after the first round and Symonds turned to alcohol.
Well, that's as good an introduction as you're going to get.
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