BREAKING NEWS (from last week): Eagles Players To Undergo Testing

It has emerged that the South African cricket franchise, The Eagles, are to undergo testing after returning from their tour to India to participate in the T20 Champions League. The ICC has sighted several players who "seemed to have bowled like girls".

Recently South African sport was involved in a gender scandal involving 800m women's gold winner Caster Semenya who was accused of not being a woman because she had a male physique and a deep voice. Later it was revealed that she was wearing a "Boy" cap while staying at the hotel in Germany, but Max Moseley - who has nothing to do with any real sport - defended Semenya by stating "I wear my girlfriend's underwear to work everyday, but that doesn't make me a woman".

This week Moseley, who defended Semenya, was reportedly heard saying that even though the Eagles cricketers in question looked very much like boys, "they did awaken some feelings inside me that only a woman dressed in full Hitler Youth attire could".

The ICC was pressured into taking action by the BCCI, but refused to comment on rumours that Lalit Modi was planning on starting a Twenty20 tournament for transgendered individuals as well as women.

The Eagles coach could not be reached for comment, but Dr Makhenkesi Stofile, the Minister of Sport and Recreation of South Africa, released a statement to the press Saturday on South African television stations:

"It has been brought to my attention that there is unhappiness about the ladi... men's cricket team that represented us in the UEFA Champions League in India earlier this month. I would like to assure the people of the world that there was nothing suspicious about these gir... men. I have coached them myself personally and can state with full confidence that there is nothing wrong with their handicaps."

After the statement, Stofile answered various questions from the media, although questions about sport weren't allowed because his translator wasn't present.