Shaik it up baby!

Schabir - so close to death it's not funny

DURBAN, SOUTH AFRICA - Schabir Shaik is the center of even more controversy this week. On Saturday (26 February, 2011) Shaik allegedly assaulted a Sunday Tribune reporter for speaking during his backswing. The reporter also was standing directly behind Shaik, which is not proper golf etiquette.

The reporter, Amanda Khozah*, was tipped off that Shaik was playing a round of golf at the Papwa Sewgolum course in Durban and promptly put her name down to be part of the fourball that he was playing in. The Papwa Sewgolum golf course does not discriminate against anyone except Felicia Mabuza Suttle, so it was not difficult for Khozah to arrange a tee-off time with Shaik. Had he been playing at Durban Country Club, Khozah would have had to dress more like a man, as women are only allowed at social events, but aren't allowed to speak.

In an interview with Shaik on Sunday, he said that he suspected something after the halfway house.

"My partner and I suspected that there was something askew with Amanda after the halfway point. We offered her a delightful glass of Johnny Walker Black Label, but she declined as she was 'at work'. After she teed off on the 14th hole and sent her ball fifty meters backwards again, my partner mentioned that Amanda looks like a reporter that works for the Sunday Tribune. I had not noticed this, as I got very ill and my eyesight deteriorated significantly since I heard about medical parole."

Shaik went on to explain that after having a close look at Khozah, he realised that she was in fact Amanda Khozah, and not Amanda Peet as she had claimed.

"I like Amanda Peet. She's my favourite actress. I especially loved her in that movie she did where she was playing a character in the movie. She said her lines with such conviction, almost as if they were her own."

When asked if there were any other tell-tale signs that she was in fact a reporter, he said that he didn't notice anything straight away.

"We did find it rather odd that every time we were talking, she held out a tape recorder. She said it was for later, in case we wanted to relive the comments we made during the day. I suppose the expensive camera she used to take pictures of us in between her shots could have been a clue as well. She also teed off with a putter more than once."

"On the fifteenth hole, I realised that she was a reporter... did I mention that I am very sick? We confronted her when we I was teeing off. She was standing right behind me and was talking on her cellphone. I pulled the cellphone away and then gave her a smack, no a light slap. Almost like a feather tickling her against her cheek. I feel that she overplayed it a bit when she fell over and stayed unconscious for an hour."

Schabir Shaik is out on medical parole after being sentenced to 15 years in hospital for fraud. Shaik was released on medical parole after landing up on death's door shortly after sentencing, but it seems as though he is there without a key. It is stipulated in his parole agreement that he is not to take part in anything illegal between 8:00am and 3:00pm on a Sunday between the full moon and waning gibbous phase, but before the end of the month if the next day is a Public Holiday. He also has set of four free time periods every day of six hours each.

When asked to comment, the DA's spokesman said that Schabir Shaik should "man up" and "grow some balls" and take accountability for his actions.


*Not her real name